Tuesday, 13 December 2016

I've Moved!

Go to here to for my latest updates:

http://saucyandspiceblog.com/hampi-relaxing-and-rocks/

Tuesday, 6 December 2016

How to Get Married in South India in 1,468 Easy Steps!

Step 1 0800 hrs: pack up your family, the kittens, get your best wedding saris, pile everyone into the car. Ensure you have many, many snacks. Drive all around town picking up token white invitees (that's George and I) and Grandma.
Step 2 1100 hrs: Drive 250km to venue, Tirupati. Encourage children to eat sugary snacks and then 'enjoy' the entertainment as they bounce off the walls. Stop to feed the monkeys on the way. (Actual monkeys).
Step 3 1300 hrs: Stop and feed the monkeys (children and family).
Step 4 1630 hrs: Arrive at rather dilapidated hotel. Try to have a nap.
Our hotel... looks promising. Was not.
Step 5 1700 hrs: Get changed into wedding outfit number one. I was told 'casual' was the dress code for this part of the wedding, so I picked my nicest salwaar kurta. The ACTUAL dress code was 'the brightest, sparkliest saree with enough bling to sink a small ship, and with more gold jewelry than you thought possible to wear'.
That face! Gorgeous.
Step 6 1800 hrs: Arrive at reception. Mill around. Eat snacks.
Step 7 1830 hrs: Sit in the reception hall and await the bride and groom Watch children get bored and start destroying everything in sight.
Step 8 1900 hrs: Bride and groom stand on stage, looking stunning. Guest #1 goes on stage, shakes hands with bride and groom, and gives their gift. Photographer takes photo. Guest #1 leaves stage.
Step 9 1904 hrs: Guest #2 goes on stage, shakes hands with bride and groom, and gives their gift. Photographer takes photo. Guest #2 leaves stage.
...
...
Repeat ad infinitum
...
Step 65 2045 hrs: Sit down with your friends and family at a long table, covered in paper. Be served a traditional South-Indian thali, a selection of various vegetarian dishes served on  large palm leaf.
This is not the actual meal we had but this is a thali. 
DELICIOUSNESS ABOUNDS. Please note that bride and groom are still sitting receiving guests.
Step 66 2123 hrs: Guest #58 goes on stage, shakes hands with bride and groom, and gives their gift. Photographer takes photo. Guest #58 leaves stage.
...
...
Step 124 2300 hrs: Guest #116 leaves the stage.
Step 125 2220 hrs: (Yes we sneaked away before the end) Due to Hindu wedding and Hindu hotel, no alcohol is to be consumed on the premises. Book hotel room in a non-Hindu hotel, obtain alcohol, and very unwisely, drink.
Step 126 0100 hrs: Go back to actual hotel and fall asleep the second your head touches the pillow.
Step 127 0445 hrs: Awake to the phone ringing. Your saree-fitting friend reminding you to get up. Reluctantly pull yourself from the warmth and comfort of the enticing bed, and shower yourself, using buckets and cold water. India-hotel style. Very bracing.
Step 128 0530 hrs: Saree is fitted. This uses many safety pins. Once again, the dress code was communicated to me as being 'traditional saree'. I went sparkly bling saree. It should have been woven silk saree.
Step 129 0600 hrs: Should be at the wedding. Everyone is milling around, children bored and swinging from the rafters.
My adopted family- Raj, Uma, Grandma, George, and Nikita

The only way to make Raj still for 20 seconds.

How to make a child sit still for 20 seconds... selfies.

Step 130 0630 hrs: Arrive at the wedding. Seat self in hall and await arrival of bride and groom.
Rubbing the bamboo pole.
Step 131 0645 hrs: Ceremony starts. All the relevant family are on stage, doing various tasks as assigned by the Priest. Hold this bamboo pole. Rub it with these food items. Now tie a bit of string around it. Now cover it with curd and make noises at it. Attach leaves to it.
The start of the ceremony- so colourful, the bride so beautiful.
Step 132 0700 hrs: Bride and groom arrive and are seated cross-legged on stage. Bride looks as though she would rather be mauled to death by hungry lions than be on that stage again.
Following the Priest's instructions
Step  133 0701 hrs: Start long and indecipherable list of things that you have to do in order to have a prosperous and happy marriage.
...
Step 186 0758 hrs: Groom rubs father's feet with something and then washes it off.
Blessing a coconut (I think)
...
Step 189 0815 hrs: Bride rubs fathers feet with something and then washes it off.
...
Step 258 0845 hrs: Breakfast thali! Yum yum... while still, on stage, the wedding continues.
Step 259- 1220 0952 hrs: Drape sheet in between bride and groom and get people to make yipping noises at them. Do other things. Bless coconuts. light things on fire.
Step 1221 1008 hrs: All file dutifully and stage and throw yellow rice at bride and groom. Remember by this stage, the bride and groom have been sitting cross-legged for hours...
...
Me and some absolutely gorgeous Indian women who made me feel like a giant. They told me I looked like a 'doll', or, less flatteringly, a 'mannequin'
Step 1225 1028 hrs: Go back to hotel and have another nap. Promise the children you'll go to the zoo, only to find out zoo is closed. Kids to behave like wild animals in lieu of actual wild animals.
George and I, now *actual* Indians.
Step 1226 1045 hrs: Lock children out of room and fall asleep.
Step 1227 1125 hrs: Children bang loudly on door and wake up grumpy tired adults.
Step 1228 1130 hrs: Get changed into salwaar kurta and sadly fold up saree :(. Play with children.
Step 1229 1230 hrs: Go back to wedding venue.
Step 1330 1245 hrs: Thali time!
Step 1331-1356 1325 hrs: Pile into car and have long-drawn-out process of retrieving luggage and people from various places. This is actually 26 steps in itself.
Step 1357 1402 hrs: Leave Tirupati. Pack people-mover full of people and luggage.
Step 1358 1404 hrs: Break up first fight between the tired children.
Repeat.
...
Step 1460 1915 hrs: Get back to Bangalore. Be very exhausted. Like, your limbs don't even work any more. Get dropped off at apartment. Find food. Bed.
Step 1461 1930 hrs: The remainder of our group continue to the bride and groom's house, where there is a puja, or blessings, until well after midnight.

I'm never marrying a South Indian. It doesn't look like much fun. I've been assured North Indian weddings are full of dancing, and partying, so I'll try and find an invite to one of them (and it's another fabulous excuse to wear my saree again).

Indian wedding- tick!

p.s. Cleaning my phone up and found bonus squirrel video!


Monday, 28 November 2016

Two Months in India, A Retrospective

Over the past two months I've had some incredible adventures (and many more to come). Some of the adventures I've talked about here, but so many things are too small, insignificant, to mention in their very own post. So this post is a collection of small, insignificant, things. Which are not altogether small or insignificant.

Bees. We had 'some' bees take up residence in the unoccupied apartment next to us. Not the nice friendly bees you get in NZ, nope, these are aggressive, mean bees. Over the course of a few days, they were thoroughly doused in poison, then the honeycomb chipped off and thrown out.

Angry bees

We had pigeons on the balcony, nesting. The eggs hatched, we had baby pigeons, which are the most alien, ugly creatures imaginable. They got bigger. They started squealing and chasing their parents around looking for food. The started flapping their wings and looking longingly off the balcony. One successfully launched its flying career, and we awaited the other. Then.... murder most horrid! One morning a headless baby pigeon was discovered, an explosion of feathers, blood streaked white tiles, and a eerie silence. Came home after lunch and found all that remained was the blood and feathers... the body of the pigeon had disappeared.

Baby pigeons are terribly ugly creatures.
 After a bit of Googling, we decided one of the local birds of prey had found the squawking youngster and killed it, eaten the head (apparently their favourite bit), and then came back later and retrieved the body for dinner. Nature is vicious.

Work. It's going well. The team has really integrated, helping each other out, training each other as they go.  I have struggled with the constant breakdowns in processes but from experience, I know that once you fix one thing, it shows the weakness in another. It's not unlike replacing a part in a car- the addition of a shiny new part will place another worn part under stress, causing it to breakdown. There are some good systems and processes in place now and with further work, I have no doubt we can continue to produce excellent work. The hardest thing has been (and will continue to be) communication. Between the staff and myself, between Christchurch and India. It's so important to have that in any business, but when head office and the boss is so far away, I've had to rethink how I do things. I miss sitting in my office and being able to yell into the office next door to talk to the boss. I miss being able to sit and talk problems and issues through, to brainstorm solutions together. It's not been easy and many evenings have been spent brainstorming solutions, or Googling how to fix problems I never thought I'd have.

Work has always been a big part of my life and I enjoy it. Over here is no different, I still love finding issues and resolving them, I like being busy and running around with my hair on fire (metaphorically). And I really like being able to manage a slick team that produces excellent results, yet still allowing them to grow as individuals too. It's hard work but we are making real progress.
Tandem NZ team as of today!

Demonetisation. On the 8th November, Modi (India's Prime Minister) announced that 500 and 1000 (about $10 and $20 NZD) rupee notes were no longer money. That's right, 86% of the cash in a cash-based country of 1.2 BILLION people, was rendered less useful than Monopoly money overnight. There was a new 500 rupee note that was *almost* printed, and a new Rs. 2000 note to replace the Rs. 1000. However the 2000 note was too big for ATM's, and because the next biggest note is a Rs 100, you can't spend it anyway, no-one has change. The country was given till the end of November to exchange their old notes (Rs. 4000 at a time maximum) or up until end of December to deposit their cash in a bank account. Estimations of how many Indians have bank accounts range from 40% to 60% of the population. You can imagine the queues, the chaos. I queued for two hours one Saturday and changed Rs. 4000, and then four days later they dropped the limit to Rs. 2000 and you could only exchange money once. The ATM limit was also lowered to Rs. 2000 (reminder that's about NZD$40) and my overseas transaction fees are about a quarter of that.

The reason behind the move is to destroy the money black market, to stop the Government's opposition party from using dirty money to buy the next election, and to bring India's currency back in the country. Roughly.

The result of this has been absolute chaos. A lot of the truly poor are illiterate and didn't understand the money could be exchanged. People killed themselves thinking they had nothing left. The queues in some centres were ridiculously long, and people died from exhaustion, literally died standing in queues. The constant rule-changing meant a lot of gossip and panic. However throughout it all, most people have been remarkably compliant. People have helped each other out. Asking me if I needed cash (I did get fairly low there for a while), if someone had change, swapping it for big notes for others. I've seen a lot of kindness over the past few weeks.

Anyway, current situation, I have cash, all is OK, and I think India will sort itself out by the end of the year. Before the next utterly crazy thing happens.

I'm RICH!... In an Indian way.
My everyday life is good... the food is amazing... the people incredible. I've made a few friends over here, most notably an Aussie traveler and a local Indian family. I'm well cared for by them and the wider community. More adventures with them coming up over the next few weeks!

To finish; here's something I regularly see on the streets- dead rats. This one was dropped down a hole and got stuck, leaving me with this view. Made me chuckle.
Rattus inahole-us

Tuesday, 22 November 2016

Agra: The Taj Mahal & a Handy Guide to Tout Management

Agra! What an adventure.

I had booked a train from Delhi to Agra at 7am, the Taj Express. I was waitlisted- 7th- but thought I'd go down to the railway station and give it a crack anyway, hope that some people had missed their train. On the platform, a friendly man told me to get on the train anyway and the TC (ticket collector) would find me a spot. The train arrived and the usual crush of people engulfed the train. I hopped on and wandered through a few carriages looking for empty seats. I was unsuccessful and getting in the way so I stood between the two carriages and waited for everyone to sit down.

There was a bunch of us there, standing in the carriage ends. Two older ladies, a Muslim couple, two old Sikh men, a 20-something year old woman, and about five boisterous young men. I got chatting to the men and younger woman, and they said that if we stood between the carriages, often the TC would let you stay. So, having made friends, I decided to risk it. The train left the station, and I stood there, no ticket, and hoped for the best.

Talked for a long time to the older ladies, using the young lady as an interpreter. Had a few laughs with the guys, and got stared at VERY closely by the Muslim couple. The Sikh men were lovely but no English was spoken but they waved and smiled and nodded at me a lot. About half an hour into the journey, the TC walked through. He ignored the lot of us and went straight through into the other carriage, Ladies and gentlemen, India life hack: If you stand between the carriages you get a free ride! (Disclaimer: I don't recommend this and suspect it could end poorly).

My non-English speaking friends
The cheerful Sikh men
Towards the end of the journey, my new friends had all gotten off at the previous stop, and I was left with the glaring Muslim couple. The woman was wearing a niqab (Hijab that covers the face so you only see the eyes) and the man the traditional full-white outfit with white cap. They had watched me intently the whole journey and hadn't smiled at me at all and I had been feeling distinctly uncomfortable. I turned and watched out the window and ignored them. A few minutes later, a gentle voice said 'Excuse me, sister'. I turned, and the Muslim man said 'You must be tired from standing. Please, come sit with my wife'. He led me to some recently-vacated chairs he had acquired, and motioned I should sit next to his wife, which I duly did. She spoke no English, so instead she shared her water and walnuts with me and we spent the remainder of the journey in companionable silence.

People can be so beautiful. Lesson for today; Don't let the world harden your heart.

Agra, however, is not beautiful. I got an auto to my hotel. Halfway through the journey the driver stopped and swapped with some other guy, which sets off a series of alarm bells. However, I arrived intact. I ascertained that I wanted to spend as little time as possible in my hotel (no hot water, a door that didn't lock properly, filthy, incredibly noisy, and over-run with monkeys) so I quickly dropped off my bag and headed off to the bus station. From there, I took the local bus to Fatehpur Sikri which Wikipedia says is 'a city in the Agra District of Uttar Pradesh, India. The city was founded in 1569 by the Mughal Emperor Akbar, and served as the capital of the Mughal Empire from 1571 to 1585, when it was abandoned.'

Fatehpur Sikri
The bus was the noisiest, joltiest, smelliest, ride ever. Jammed up next to a lady with her toddler in her lap, who quickly fell asleep and stuck his feet in my lap. There are no announcements of stops, the bus just grinds to a halt and people jump off and on with no discussion. I asked for clarification of my stop and the TC just waggled his head at me... I hoped for the best. After a long journey, we arrived in a dusty crowded town, and the bus stopped. Everyone got off so I presumed we were there. I asked a local where Fatehpur Sikri was. He pointed directly up the hill and said 'short cut'. Ok... So up I wandered. I was dubious as I could see nothing but mounds of rubbish and local housing, until this loomed before me, perched high on the hill. My breath was literally taken away. Absolutely stunning.
Fatephur Sikri
Fatehpur Sikri, immaculate gardens

Fatehpur Sikri - Amazing, colossal architecture

Fatehpur Sikri- Men playing cards on ancient monuments. This elephant tower, adorned with elephant tusks
Fatehpur Sikri This elephant tower


Fatehpur Sikri - The Elephant gate
I spent a few hours exploring the ruins. Then I had to head back to the bus as the last one leaves at 5.30pm. I got to the bus a little early and made friends. Played peek-a-boo with the toddler that had previously dozed with his feet on me. Chatted to the handsome Indian man who sat in front of me. Shared lotus root with the couple next to me and got an invitation to their home town. We were back in Agra far quicker than anticipated. Dinner, bed. Slept in my sleeping bag liner rather than risk the sheets...

6am the next morning I queued to see the Taj Mahal in the sunrise. After queuing, and queuing, and then queuing some more, I finally got in, walked quickly to get there before most people,.. and saw this. The smog obscured the Taj, obscuring its beauty and rendering it far less impressive than I had expected. Still beautiful, I explored thoroughly, then headed back to my hotel for a nap.
Me on the Diana Bench, the Taj shrouded in smog
Taj Mahal detail - so intricate

The Taj Mahal is immense.
 I had formulated an agreement of sorts with an auto driver, and he took me to mini Taj, (the Tomb of I'timād-ud-Daulah, but known to the locals as the 'Mini-Taj') red fort, and the Taj gardens.

The red fort is the former imperial residence of the Mughal Dynasty located in Agra, India. It is also a World Heritage site. It was mentioned for the first time in history in 1080 AD... this place is seriously OLD. And huge, at 94 acres.

I could not recommend the Taj gardens the slightest. Scraggly plants and the view was not worth it. Skip this and spend more time at Fatehpur Sikri!

Back to the railway, where I read my book on the platform and chatted to a man who invited me to stay with him and his wife in Kashmir. Despite the dire warnings, I'm very inclined to do so, Kashmir sounds beautiful but I shall see if Pakistan behaves itself. The journey back I sat in my allocated seat and talked to Michael, from the US.


The Taj Mahal, with the glorious sunrise...
My one dire warning to anyone visiting Agra: The touts are horrendous. Selling you 'hand crafted' carvings, offering to be your guide, planning to be your auto driver, beggars. Children with deformities. Children telling you their father is dead. Children saying they are hungry. Stand your ground. Do not give them your money. I wandered on my own and I doubt that anyone who hired a guide gained anything from the experience. In fact, I discovered places that most tourists do not.

Learn this Hindi phrase: 'Bhaiya aage chhodo' (sounds like 'Paya ar-gay churro'). Basically, means 'Brother, fall behind' or, 'bugger off', and said with enough venom, dissuades even the most irritating, insistent guide. Wave your hand dismissively at the same time. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Overall, Agra was incredible but the pollution made the Taj less incredible than I expected. Things are run down, tired, and dirty. But. As always. People are beautiful.

And so endeth my adventures in Agra.

Red fort


Red fort

Red Fort- happiest day of my life- DOUBLE SQUIRREL! Cost me Rs. 20, worth every cent.

Red fort

Chain of justice- very interesting!

Red fort, Agra smog in the background

Red fort, a 'Genuine parrot', as I overheard a guide say (see the value they add!)

Red Fort

Red Fort- Cannon

Red Fort

Red Fort

Mini-Taj - Tomb of I'timād-ud-Daulah

Mini Taj - I love how the colours have faded from the ceiling



Me at the mini-Taj



Friday, 11 November 2016

Delhi: Tombs, Temples, & Tenebrosity

Lodi Gardens in the smog
Last weekend, as a present to myself for my 35th birthday, I gave myself a holiday to Delhi and Agra. For purposes of post length I'll do two posts, one for each city.

I arrived in Delhi on Friday and Ubered to my AirBnb accommodation, a local family. I was warmly welcomed, fed, then after a quick discussion I was packed up and sent off to Lodi Gardens. The gardens are beautiful, well maintained, and I wandered around until it got dark. Originally the gardens were landscaped and originally named after Lady Willindon, in 1936. Scattered throughout the park are tombs and temples that were built in the 1400's. I love how people picnic among the past, games of cricket energetically contended next to history, and how they seem to exist inside this huge noisy city peacefully, remaining unyielding and constant in the flux.

Bara-Gumbad tombs, built in 1490

Bara-Gumbad tombs, built in 1490, the detail is incredible

Shish-Gumbad tomb, built around 1489 and 1517 


Dinner with my new Indian Whanau <3
I then visited a modern shopping area called Khan Market. Everything is vastly overpriced and it caters to tourists and after a pleasant time meandering around I was happy to leave wit my wallet intact.

Dinner was with Atul, has wife Marina, and their two delightful children, Nikita and Prithviraj. Marina cooked a fantastic meal of an amazing mutton & potato curry, various vegetables, roti... I ate until I couldn't force any more in. Loved staying with a family, in the midst of the normal family chaos and routine.


On my return trip through Delhi, I unfortunately had  a migraine and didn't have the ability to go shopping for spices with Marina and then make my own chai as we'd planned. VERY sad about that! I did go to visit Humayun's Tomb en route to the airport though.
Humanyun's Tomb

Ceiling detail of Humanyun's Tomb

I was told many dire things about Delhi, and I think for the India-uninitiated it could be hazardous! Perhaps by staying a little bit out of town and with such a darling family, I was never exposed to the less than savoury elements I had been warned of.

My only regret was I didn't stay longer. I wanted to visit Old Delhi, and a few other local monuments, and try the street food that Delhi is famous for... next time!

The one negative thing that really influenced everything I did in Delhi, was the smog. The pollution levels were among the highest ever on the days I was there. It was so bad that schools were closed for three days, and all construction works were halted for ten days. The causes of the smog ranged from the fireworks from Diwali, the number of vehicles on the road, crop burning from neighboring farm areas, and industry waste. Likely also the weather contributed- days with no rain, or wind. It was horrific. Visibility was poor. The smog burns your throat, and the black dust coats everything. Nothing is clean in Delhi for long. When you blow your nose, the contents of the tissue are black. It's unpleasant, uncomfortable, and I don't know how anyone can live in that for any period of time.

India, you really need to get your act together and fix this, because of the impact this has on your citizens. It's so much bigger than the smog though, I know this. It's the rubbish in your streets, the open sewage drains. It's overwhelming and I know that there are many other things that are important too, but if you can't provide healthy cities for people to live in, then there's no point trying to resolve other issues.